I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!

Being a woman is hard.  I know that all other women are aware of this in one way or another but I think it is hard for men to understand.  There are so many stereotypes and biases against women that have existed for far too long.  I battled against this with my father who had certain beliefs about how I should behave and different beliefs about my brother because he was male.  When I was a teenager I rebelled and it eventually lead to being kicked out of my home and led to problems that lasted for years.  Luckily, my father and I later evolved and now we have a close and loving relationship that I cherish.

I kept quiet during the Me Too movement because I am one of the lucky ones.  I was never molested or raped although I have had several moments when I have felt violated or intimidated by men.  I have had an employer that was male who came onto to me and threatened me in order to keep my job.  Once, in high school, someone physically held me down and started to kiss me and probably more, but I managed to get out of that situation because someone came in the room but who knows what would have happened if they had not.

I feel for these women.  I cannot imagine the horror of their situations.  I understand those who do not come forward immediately, I never told anyone about my situations.  It is hard to talk about and scary and embarrassing.  There is no time limit on speaking up.  Some people are only able to finally talk about it under the care of a therapist.  Some people hold it in until they explode one day and it all comes out.  For some people they will never talk about it.  All of those situations are different because people are different.  There is no deadline for dealing with personal trauma, it is different for everyone.

I find it disturbing when people say things like “Why didn’t you mention this when it happened?”  It is a trauma and therefore the normal rules do not apply.  The trauma affects everything in your life forever.  Some people tell everyone, some no one.  But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t equally as traumatizing for either.  Most, and I stress the word most, women would never lie about this sort of thing.  Obviously there are always some exceptions to that rule but why traumatize the woman even more by not believing her?  It must be like reliving the incident all over again.

Watching Dr. Ford’s testimony this week was enthralling.  I found her completely credible and you could really feel her fear.  I know that people are saying “Isn’t it convenient that she brings it up now?”  I believe that she saw that someone who had terrorized her was going to be put on the Supreme Court for life and she had to speak up.  I do not think that she did it for political reasons and I do not think that it does not matter.  Of course it matters, it speaks to his character because your actions show your character, even if it was 30 years ago.  I can’t help but feel genuine empathy for Dr. Ford and admiration for her courage in speaking out in such a public forum.  It must have been terrifying and she knew it was going to cause her a great deal of pain and torment in the future.  People can be so cruel.

We need change the way we deal with violence towards women.  I am not sure of the best way to do that but I truly hope that America’s attitudes towards women in all aspects will undergo a change and I hope that the Me Too movement can help in that.  Empathy can go a long way in helping all victims of violence and sexual assault.

Kavanaugh’s response to her testimony was deplorable and I felt he showed his true colors during his opening statement and testimony.  The anger, the fake crying and sniffing (not a single real tear was shed) and his attitude did not show the temperament of someone who should sit in judgment of others in the highest court in the land.  I could go on and on but that’s probably a whole other blog post.  My point is women deserve to be believed and heard regardless of the time and circumstances behind them giving voice to their pain.  It’s that simple.