The Punishment…

“Just because you had some bad chapters in your life doesn’t mean the story can’t end well. Turn the page and never look back.”

After I was processed into the Parker County Jail the Sheriff called me into his office. He informed me that he was making me a trustee and that I would be the custodian for the Sheriff’s office during my sentence. He put me in the trustee tank with 2 other girls. I later learned one was in for driving with no license and the other for burglary. The poor girl who was in for no driver’s license had triplets and no money to get out. She was there before I got there and after, all for that charge. It was insane! I woke up at 7:30 every morning, got dressed and was taken into the Sheriff’s office (down the hall, connected to the jail) where I would get my little custodial cart, clean the bathrooms twice a day, the offices, etc. The only really repulsive thing about it was the men all dipped and would spit into the urinals. It was absolutely disgusting but I eventually learned to be grateful to get out of my tiny cage for any amount of time, even if it was work. I can easily see how someone would go insane in that small cell everyday without ever leaving. It doesn’t seem like it would be hard but it is so hard! I felt like I was climbing the walls! At least once a day I could go outside and pick up the trash around the jail. That small amount of sunshine kept me sane. I contemplated walking away but I would never do that to the Sheriff or my family. I was stuck.

The weekends were the worst. They would escort me back to my cage where I would remain until 8 am Monday morning. I would do pretty much anything to pass the time, read, watch TV, play cards, do puzzles but you always know where you are. It was impossible to get comfortable, everything was stainless steel and concrete, the mattresses and blankets were thin and offered little comfort. The food was awful! You really do live for the commissary which basically sold junk but it was better than the food they served. No meat, just soy products, yuck! I was in jail for Thanksgiving that year which was incredibly depressing because you know what you are missing. Someone donated some turkey and I had some real meat finally. I know they tried to make the Thanksgiving meal appetizing but I am sad to say it was terrible. It is amazing how food effects your mood. One day when I went to church (you do anything to get out of that cage) the pastor brought me a taco from Taco Casa. That taco was freaking amazing! I started drinking coffee just to have some kind of caffeine. My cellmates were incredibly kind to me so I would always give them treats or bring back food from the sheriff’s office they said I could have for them to eat. Visits were awful and lasted for 45 minutes, with glass between you and the visitor and you had to talk over the phone. I didn’t touch anyone for an entire month! It’s total chaos with everyone families in there and inevitably, when it was over, I would cry every time. I can’t imagine how awful it was for Brett and my parents! I do not remember what was said during these visits, just how sad and uncomfortable they were.

The Sheriff came to check on me a couple of times in my cage. Jail is all about the rumors, everybody is in everybody else’s business. The guards were aware of his interest in me and viewed me as a mole who was there to report on them. They took great pains to ensure they did everything right with me because they were afraid that I would tell the sheriff. He would come down and open up the viewing window and say “Ashley, how you doin?” I would always tell him it was wonderful and I think he got my sarcasm. Thank God I was in the trustee tank because if I had been in general population I would have been viewed as a rat. The Sheriff did everything he could to ensure my safety but also wanted me to learn my lesson. It is one I have never forgotten and I am grateful for it.

I remember the day after Thanksgiving they let me put up the Christmas decorations in the Sheriff’s office which I was pathetically grateful to do. I remember it as the one time I forgot I was in jail for a couple of hours. Suddenly on December 6th I could not get ahold of Brett. Of course I panicked because you already feel like you can’t control anything in there and I was freaking out. I probably called my mom a million times wondering where he was, what was going on, why wouldn’t anyone tell me where he was. It turned out that his grandfather, Doc, had died that day in Oklahoma. I will forever feel guilty that I was in jail when this happened and not there for the funeral or to support him and his family. I knew Doc well and was close to Brett’s family and I was devastated. My mom finally gave in and told me because not knowing was worse and I cried and cried. I couldn’t talk to Brett because back in those days you couldn’t call a cell phone collect. When Brett got back I must have apologized a million times but there will always be a hole in my heart because I did not get to say goodbye.

Finally the 28 days were over. They were very precise and would let me out at the exact same time I came in. The Sheriff called me into his office and asked if I had learned my lesson. I said you better believe it! He also told me that if I showed up in his jail again he would make it very uncomfortable for me and I believed him. He may have known my dad but he was not kidding around. Every Christmas I send him a card that says 1 more year out and I don’t miss you!

I had still had to deal with my charge in Tarrant County. I hired an attorney who somehow managed to plead it down to obstruction of a highway. The DUI from Parker County is on my record for good. It was very hard to find a decent job in the years that followed because it always showed up on my record. Anytime I got pulled over I would panic wondering if the officer was looking at my record. It caused a lot of stress. I have not driven impaired again. I realized the danger I put others in and the pain I caused the people around me. Also, I really didn’t want to go back! So, I bet you think that is the end of the story but it is not. Just because I wasn’t driving didn’t mean I wasn’t impaired.

To Be Continued…