The Rollercoaster of Life…

“This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.” Tyler Durden-Fight Club

Life is all about routine. You get into a groove and just end up on autopilot: sleep, wake up, drive to work, work, drive home, pet the dog, make/eat dinner, watch the same shows you always watch, go to bed and do it all again the next day. Sometimes routine is good, it can be very satisfying and soothing to know exactly what is going to happen. This kind of routine keeps a roof over your head and the people (my hubby) around you happy. Then you get bored and unhappy, you don’t feel satisfied, you feel run down, indifferent, restless, tired and for me, a feeling of what is the fucking point of all this? So then you start taking a personal inventory. Is it your relationship causing these feelings? That was not the issue for me since all is good on the homefront. Is it my friends or social things causing this unhappiness? Nope, social life is on point and my friends rock! Parents? No, they are happy and healthy. The dog? Please, he is my greatest happiness always.

For me it was two things. One I was aware of, that the drive from my house in southwest Fort Worth to Las Colinas was killing my soul. The constant stopping and starting, the large amount of wrecks, 183, which is the worst highway ever and sometimes I would make it in a hour, sometimes 2 hours but it was always stressful, frustrating and left me with a feeling of fury. Sometimes I would cry and many times I fantasized ramming some asshole’s car who cut me off. I would never do that but I thought about it a lot, like A LOT. For me, rush hour traffic was toxic and I will never, ever take a job that is that far away again.

The second problem? My job. I worked for US Adjusting for five years off and on. Three years ago I moved to the accounting department so I could get benefits. I loved my coworkers and boss. In 2017 I had two serious accidents and was unable to work for several months. They were very supportive and understanding. They could have just let me go but they did not and gave me the time I needed to heal and I will always be grateful for that. Fast forward to December 2019 and I was so bored. I didnt have enough work to fill the day which made me restless. I knew how to do everything and I was no longer challenged or engaged. I can see this now but at the time, in the moment, I wasn’t aware of what was causing my discontent just that it was always there. There was no way to advance there and, to be honest, I wasn’t trying to. Add the drive and it just sucked.

They let me go on December 26th, the day after Christmas. I was pissed at first and surprised. As I drove home from Las Colinas I suddenly realized that I would never have to make this drive again and that I was now free of the 2 to 3 hour daily drive. I have rarely felt such a strong feeling of joy as I did upon realizing this and I think I smiled for days. I was worried about telling Brett but he said it was good thing and that I seemed unhappy so move on!

So I get on Facebook that night and a man I worked for several years in the early 2010’s was coming to work at a new company in downtown Fort Worth. I thought, this can’t be coincidence, both of these things happening on the same day, it must be fate. So I emailed him and he calls me and, to make a long story short, I am now working for him! He is an excellent boss and I like the company and people and it is in downtown Fort Worth.

I used to drive 73 miles every day to and from work. I now drive 12 miles to and from work. I don’t take the highway, I take back roads so no traffic jams. So every week about 60-65 miles which is less than 1 day of driving to Las Colinas. I absolutely love it!!! My stress level has plummeted and I enjoy the drive because I go through my old stomping grounds which makes me happy. It has literally changed my whole outlook on life. What can I say? I am a sensitive Cancer and that drive was slowly killing me.

When I started my new job, mentally, it was like coming out of a fog. It had been so long since I had been challenged and given the opportunity to learn new things. My new job is tough and my responsibilities are far greater than they were before. I definitely feel like I am using parts of my brain that I haven’t used in a long, long time. I don’t live to work like some do, I work because I have to. To my total and complete surprise, I have risen to the challenge and, gasp, I really love it! I am exhausted when I get home but not depressed exhausted, more like I worked hard and I feel happy exhausted. It’s been almost two months since I started and all is well. I enjoy being downtown again, the people are great, it’s interesting and totally new to me, I am definitely adding to my resume and my boss is always a step ahead of me so I have to be on point while I am at work. Then I just go home and collapse. Just kidding, kind of! I really do kind of collapse and let my brain take a small break. Life has always been a roller coaster for me, so, for the moment, life is at the top of the hill. Hoping it will get stuck that way for a while!