Reality sets in…

I reread my first Corona post I made on April 20th. Ah, how hopeful, naive and optimistic I sounded! This is a virus but we will fight it and win! This is America, surely science, our “moral” compass, our fearless leaders will prevail! People will pull together and look out for each other! Politics, nationality, race, gender none of that matters because we are all in this together!

What did we get? America, the greatest country in the world wasn’t ready. If I was grading us we would receive an F. First denial, then belittling of the virus, then, when it became obvious this was going to be a major event, there was scrambling to deal with something we had been warned about for years. We didn’t have the necessary supplies or even game plan in place. Just like everyone else I never really thought something like this would happen in my lifetime and so did everyone else in the government except for a few lone voices. Who would have thought we would not have enough PPE or respirators or all the other things we need to battle this virus. We don’t even know what all the virus can do and how it can affect different organs. Some people knew and spoke out but no one listened because we were too busy to notice.

Sigh, and then there is the politics. I want to hear from doctors, researchers, epidemiologists, nurses, PA’s, EMT’s, fire fighters. This is an epidemic and not a political fight. Just for a moment, can our representatives think about healing the country rather than being reelected or getting something for your state? It is so partisan at this point I don’t think they can work together successfully. I want to watch a normal press conference not one where the President interrupts experts, muses about medical options that would kill someone if they tried them and talks about himself a vast majority of the time all while showing zero empathy for anyone suffering.

I have entered the I’m really tired and depressed phase. I don’t mind staying home and the first few weeks were great but I miss normal life. I mean at least most Texans can go outside. Imagine being in a tiny apartment in New York with no balcony. I don’t know how they do it, I spend a lot of time in my backyard but it’s getting hot and I hate the heat. I miss dinners with friends, going to the book store, getting my nails done, getting my luckily blonde mustache waxed, massages and my nephew Bob since I’ve only seen him once in 6 weeks. I miss my parents the most. I am a now a pro at online ordering and curbside pickup and I send things to people all the time. Brett and I are lucky we are both still employed and we can cover our bills while many can’t. It has taken us years of work to get to this place. We lived paycheck to paycheck for longer than I care to remember and it is hard and it sucks.

I think I am depressed because I am now finally realizing this is going to be around for a while. I miss social interaction, I hate the damn masks and i want to go on vacation!! I have all the money saved but cant go anywhere. Then the guilt comes in. Shame on me for being selfish when so many are hurting. I am sorry, I am only human. I take antidepressants, 2 actually. You would think I should never get depressed but they don’t take away all that emotion, you still feel everything, just differently. I may wake up in the morning and think the world looks like magic or not. You never know. It’s dark now but the sun has to come up some time. I try to think of that and hug my Baxter close. Be safe and thank you for reading my blog. I really love writing it. Please leave me a comment if you have something to say!