Turmoil…

You would think with all the turmoil in my life since the wildfires on June 17, 2024 I would be tuned out and ignoring political news.  Sadly, I am still locked in, I cannot look away actually.  I have written a post or two about my feelings on the election or current policy.  I try not to force others to listen to my views because it is so polarizing and quite frankly, if I love you I will overlook the politics that divide us.  While it makes me sad that we don’t agree, I can live with it because of my love for you.  I only really talk to Brett about politics, it is not a conversation that comes up with friends or family. 

Texas is so conservative and built around money and what you have, we wanted out.  Nobody here gives a shit about money because no one has any.  It is beautiful, has the perfect temperature and is quite charming.  Everyone pretty much minds their own business.  Over the last four years I have made several friends and it really started to feel like home, it is just a great place to live. The fires have taken that away so right now we are deciding our future, will we stay or go?  Is the dream dead?  How do we accept that?  Honestly, no idea.

This election is about moving forward, something I am desperately trying to do.  Besides my personal dislike of Donald Trump he is dangerous and he is a threat to our democracy.  Do not underestimate the damage he will do with unfettered power as the president.  I just wish Republicans would move on and find someone new and more moderate.  That is not going to happen so we must beat him with our votes.  Notice I am not really mentioning JD Vance?  He is just a placeholder and he will have no real power.  He should pray that Trump doesn’t turn on him.

My parents and most of my family are Republicans, we are from Texas after all.  They don’t know any better and they are set in their ways.  We don’t discuss politics anymore since it is bad for our relationship.  Sometimes I want to shake my mom and dad and say you are smarter than this, you know better, please don’t believe the lies.  That will never happen, she is my mother and I respect her and my father too much to do that but a girl can dream.  They are dug in and nothing I say will change their minds and nothing they say will change mine so we are at a stalemate, destined to never meet in the middle.  I imagine they are as frustrated as I am with me and it is easier to not talk about it.  But we love each other very much, we are family no matter what, I refuse to let politics separate us. 

This is America, land of the free.  I grew up at the local library where ever I lived, I was there every day.  I read anything and everything, I spent hours and hours reading there and at home, I only stopped to ride my bike.  No one monitored what I read and I grew up to be a person with an open mind and heart.  I read things that were above my age and I am normal.  Banning books is wrong on so many levels I cannot list them all.  I escaped to world after world in my books, it expanded my mind and vocabulary not to mention the knowledge I gained.  So many people miss out on the joy of reading, I wish I could explain it in a way that makes reading irrestible to all.

Not everyone is a Christian and that is okay.  We need to protect the vulnerable in society and that is those who are different regardless of their beliefs.  I understand that part of the Christian teachings is to spread the faith to others but I have my beliefs and you have yours, quit trying to convert me.  I believe in God but I am done with churches.  I will deal with God on my own terms and I don’t need a church or other believers to strengthen my faith.  Mostly I just feel disappointed, nothing seems to live up to what I see in my mind.  I know that is my depression talking but it is so overwhelming.   Religion to me seems overly complicated and intertwined with financial donations.  I prefer to deal with God on my own terms. 

This election should not be about religion and I do not understand why the religious right follows Trump.  I grew up going to church and participating in youth church activities and I know how a church works and what is happening now makes no sense.  Let me be concise, there are no sex change operations happening at public schools in America, there are no abortions happening after the baby is born because that is called murder in all fifty states, there are no Haitian immigrants eating America’s dogs and cats and there are practically no illegal immigrants who are voting, those poor people just want to survive day to day, they don’t give a fuck about our election.  I am a 48 year old childless cat owning lady.  I am voting for anyone but Donald Trump in the 2024 election and that makes me sad because I care about my loved ones and I want us to be united but that is not going to happen.  I think that the Republicans will fight the legal votes in the election and I am hoping that democracy prevails but this is going to be rough.

If you still believe everything the Republican Party says I don’t know how to fix that.  From my point of view, which is very biased, I find it hard to understand who is still voting Republican at this point.  But I still love you, let’s agree to disagree.  I am depressed and worn out from the past three months.  I need rest and relaxation desperately.  I just want to get the election over with and move on to normal everyday life.  We need to make a decision as to whether to move on or not before I go crazy from the not-knowing.  Not-knowing is the worst and will drive you insane especially on top of the disaster that the last three months have been.  It’s all too overwhelming and I pretty much feel very Gen X and want everyone to fuck off, thank you.  So that is how is I feel, disagreeable and irate at the same time, please kill me now and get it over with.